Sunday, 14 July 2013

Confidence is key, this is me...

Here is a post that is a little different to usual. This is an issue that I am learning to deal with myself, and I’m sure there are more of you out there too; I hope that by sharing what I’ve learnt can help you too...

What is confidence?

Confidence is such a versatile word, it can be used in many situations and for many different things, but I feel that confidence to me is about having a positive attitude towards yourself and the situations that surround you.

How confidence affects you...

Having a lack of confidence is an issue that many people face on a daily basis, with so many factors influencing the balance of confidence including friends, family, finance, health and work. When one of these areas is knocked off balance, this can result in a lowering of confidence which can then have a knock-on effect in all of the other areas.

Life is full of tests, and confidence is one of those issues that is tested on a regular basis, especially with social media, and networking sites, allowing you to see everyone's exact movements, outings, outfits and shopping sprees which can make us all feel a little like we are missing out at times. What we don't see though, is what goes on behind closed doors, because let’s face it, the majority of us only really tweet, instagram and facebook the good times, but sometimes it’s not all good behind the scenes. Although you might not be on a constant 24 hour spending spree and partying every night like it would seem those on facebook are, you might have a perfectly good home life in which you can chill in the comfort of your own home; these people who’s pictures and statuses that you see might be out of the house 24/7 for a reason, as they can't face their home life. Some might do this as they simply like to work hard and play hard, if you wish you were in the same position, think about what you need to change, could you put more hours in at work? Look for a new job that offers more hours? This could enable you to afford to party and shop. Maybe you’re not out because you need to save, in this case maybe you could set aside a little money to go out once a month? And save the rest. Or maybe, like me, you simply prefer a night in, to a night out? It is ok to be different. So next time you are feeling a little jealous of someone, think about what you have, that others may not, think about what you need to do to get where you want to be and if you prefer a night it, remember that it is ok!

Confidence is learning to value yourself, like whether or not you have the confidence to say 'no' to someone, because saying 'no' is perfectly ok, saying 'no' is having the confidence to put your own wants and needs before others, and it's up to them how they take that. 

Confidence is something that develops with time, and therefore it is especially hard for young girls, specifically when they attend a secondary school as there are so many girls surrounding them, who develop such different styles and personalities, and it becomes hard to realise which 'clique' you fit into, because at this point, even you don’t know where you want to fit in.

As you get older, you start to realise that you are still trying to fit in, on a more constant basis and in many different situations, such as at work where there are different people to those you met at school, with your boyfriend/girlfriend and their friends boyfriend/girlfriend, aswell as their families.

However you also start to realise as you grow up that it doesn't matter where you fit in, but that you will fit in where you are supposed to, with those that have the same interests as you and eventually you will get there, you just have to learn to be yourself.

My story:

Confidence is an issue that I have been trying to overcome since a young age, although I am not sure why I developed a lack of it, I am constantly trying to overcome it. I remember being in a trampolining class whilst in secondary school and I didn't dare jump high enough to try and do a flip, the teacher tried to encourage me to jump higher and told me to have some confidence in myself, a friend laughed and replied saying that the teacher must have been joking as I never had any confidence in myself. I think this is probably the point in which I realised that my confidence was an issue. 

Confidence is also accepting compliments from others, which is something that I've always found hard, as I never felt good enough compared to everyone else, I never thought I was good at anything or pretty enough, and if someone complimented me I would always dismiss it, and say things like 'no I’m not' and 'I wish' but I've since learnt that people don't have to pay you compliments, but if they do, it's because they want to. Dismissing a compliment is like saying their opinion doesn’t count, so I've learnt to replace those phrases with the words 'thank you' instead, regardless of whether or not I agree, as everybody is entitled to their opinion, even if it’s about you.

 My current confidence issue is that I have been working two jobs whilst at university and have been trying to fit in with three different groups of people whilst still figuring out whether or not those friends I still keep in touch with from school are really true friends. I have also developed IBS and anxiety meaning that I don't often tend to socialise, as I find leaving the house a big deal and some of my friends find that hard to deal with, and I think that I may have lost some along the way due to this reason. 

I am learning to deal with this by discovering who I am, who currently fits in with my life, and shares the same interests as I do, who understand my health issues and love me regardless. I am trying to make more effort with those that make an effort with me, and I have found that through blogging, there are so many people who do share the same interests as me, and I would love to talk to you all more.

Blogging has been a major boost on my confidence all round, as it gives me the chance to share my opinions with others, to realise that my opinions do count, and that they can help others. It has also become a hobby to focus on and really work at, as soon as I am home from work, if I’m not blogging, I’m researching and sometimes I can spend a whole day just reading my favourite blogs and watching You tube video’s because I love to see what others do, and what they are sharing with the world.

The reason I do not have a picture of myself on any social media connected to my blog, is because I haven't yet had the confidence to put one up. It is so much easier to hide behind a computer when I write, as people can't judge me if they don't know who I am, putting a picture out there makes me more vulnerable and means I become more open to criticism. However I know that I like to be able to put a face to the writer who's blog I am reading as it makes me feel like I know them more, I'm not sure why exactly, but I do.

Therefore the first step I am going to take in my road to confidence is to believe in what I do, what I write and to show you guys who I am, so this is me facing my fears, realising that not everyone is going to like me, but that's ok, not everybody likes everyone...

I love motto's and there are a few I will always live by, I believe that 'what will be, will be,' 'everything happens for a reason' and 'when one door closes, another one opens' what can I say? I love a good cliche!


Take things one step at a time, if you have a goal to reach, set yourself ‘baby steps’ to get there and tick them off one by one at your own pace, you’ll get there when you’re ready to.

If someone pays you a compliment, accept it and say ‘thankyou,’ write these compliments down and put them in a jar or a journal to look back at whenever your confidence lowers.

Figure out who you are and what interests you, do what you enjoy and you will find others who share these interests too.

Turn negatives into positives.

Those that remove themselves from your life or that you simply lose touch with? They are not supposed to be in your life any longer and if they are, they will appear when the time is right. That really hard time you've just been through? That didn't actually break you? That was a lesson that you were supposed to learn, that lesson just made you stronger.

Although some people seem to have confidence instilled within them, for most of us, confidence grows with age.

I hope you enjoyed this post, and I hope that it helps some of you in some way, if you want me to expand on this subject or want to share your story, leave a comment in the box below or email me @

Love Abbie x

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